Point. Click. Dab With Towel. (And Don’t Panic)

THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOL IN THE GALAXY

Those of you hailing from the Dark Ages¹ of gaming might recall a little company known as Infocom, who’s primary claim to fame was text adventure games: stuff like Zork, Planetfall, Leather Goddesses of Phobos², the sorts of things that would, should they ever be exposed to them, send modern gamers screaming for the exits since not only do they have no graphics (ZOMG!), but they also require–avert your eyes core gamers!–reading comprehension!

Anyway, one of their more (if not most) popular titles was the one based on that seminal work of comedic art, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy³ by one Douglas Adams (R.I.P.), a book that is loved and lauded by virtually all geeks and nerds of any age, and with good reason.

The game wasn’t, of course, as good as the book–as with movies, the few times it’s been attempted, they never measure up–but it was still enjoyable and now it has, drum roll please, graphics:

You can grab this 100% complete remake right here and relive the glory days of Sierra-style graphic adventures all in one fell swoop. (Also be sure to leave a comment thanking the creators for bringing this classic gem into (cue echo) the future.)

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^{1 That’d be the early-70s right up until the release of the NES in the mid-80s, a time before most of the people reading this blog were actually either a. cognizant of gaming or b. alive.
2 Tame by the standards of 2010 (and, hell, 1986) but still ground-breaking as a ‘mature’ game.
3 I still think Jeff Goldblum IS Ford Prefect, but Mos Def was solid in the role.}

Wondering Where This Has Been All My Life

I’ll admit it: I squealed like a little girl when I first saw this scene¹

A Wonderboy RPG! Set in Monster World! OMG! *squeals like a little girl*:

What is “Monster World RPG”?

Monster World RPG (MWRPG for short) is a new free rpg videogame developed with RpgMaker2003.

MWRPG is based upon the Wonder Boy/Monster World games series by SEGA/Westone.
You need only to download the game and play it, there’s no need for you to have any libraries or other stuff, because the download has everything you need to play.

OK, so yes, it’s a fan-made game built entirely in RPG Maker. And, yes, it’s not a world-shattering epic, but it’s a Wonder Boy RPG! And it’s pretty well done for what it is! *squeals like a little girl*

The only real downside is it needs a serious script edit as English is clearly not the first language of the creators (I hope), but even with that slight speech impediment you can feel the humor and personality seeping through its pixelly facade. And it’s a Wonder Boy RPG! *squeals like a little girl*

Also: It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! It’s a Wonder Boy RPG! !!

Go play it now! Now! Go! Shoo! Play!

Quick Edit/Update:

This is the game from which it sprang:

Shion’s the hero dude w/ the blue hair, in case that wasn’t entirely clear in the above shot.

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^{1 Which probably means nothing to anyone but a very, very select few of extremely enlightened fans of one (kinda two) of the greatest Genesis games ever.}

Great Ape Menaces Anguished Pre-Plumber & His Lady Faire Anew

Mario, before he had his name legally changed from Jumpman

Although Pauline now looks suspiciously like Paper Mario Peach and that Mario sprite looks for all the world like one you might have seen Super Mario All-Stars, this is still a pretty neat-o, ground-up, remake of the ultra-classic Donkey Kong¹.

The only real downside is there is most certainly something ‘off’ with the jump mechanics since it really seems like I have to jump very early when on the run to clear a barrel (his launch trajectory seems too flat) and this needs to be fixed before it’s given a wholly-meaningless thumbs-up from me.

That said, I have no idea where to find the creator of this little update/remake (the Kong fairy was nice enough to pass this along and he didn’t say from whence it spawned), but it’s pretty cool and if someone would like to claim paternity I would gladly give credit whee it is due.

In the meantime, however, you can grab it right here.

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^{1 Sorry, I’m not linking this one: if you don’t know what Donkey Kong is you should leave this blog now, never to return, banished one!}

Super Smash River City: Kunio!

All the BARF you can handle–and then some.

For a long time now, I’ve been thinking the world needs more Kunio and co. that isn’t some sort of weird sports game and, what do you know, the Internet delivers¹:

It’s called Nekketsu Dairantou (熱血大乱闘), and it’s a fan-made (doujin, in geek gamer geek² parlance) Street Fighter-style, fighting game done up in NES-colored make-up, starring Kunio and pretty much every person fictional character that’s ever starred in one of the eleventy-billion Kunio-kun games, from the immortal River City Ransom to くにおくんの超熱血! 大運動会–and trust me, that’s a lot of short, squat, CHI-style little buddies beating the living sh*t out of one another though, as this is Japanese, there is a shocking lack of BARF that Western gamers will need to learn to live without.

Best of all, it’s free! Worst of all, it doesn’t seem to want to work properly with my USB Saturn pad, so I’ve been relegated to the cludgy 360 pad and now the keyboard is looking like a good bet but, hey, who cares about my problems when you have this game to play, so…go play it! Now!

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^{1 In just shy of a decade, if you don’t count the GBA port of the original RCR.
2 Hey, they’re the same thing, though some most of you would deny it.}

Megaman Cubed

They make you solve this in Hell so you can move onto more pleasant things: like dips in lakes of fire or genital pulping via sledgehammer

Rubik’s Cubes haven’t been cool since they were all the rage when I was a very little kid¹, but this is still kinda interesting:

All the bosses from the NES Megaman series all make an appearance on this twist of a classic puzzle game. This cube is covered with boss selection screens from Megaman games 1 through 6. Check my other auction to see the other video game scenes I have available. Cube is about 2.5 in square.

Remember all the fun you used to have with one of these? And all the amazing solutions like ‘dismantle it and put it back together in a fit of rage and frustration from which it never quite worked right again’? Or ‘peel off the stickers and and rearrange them as ‘solved’ if you could ever get them to stick right again’? Yup, good times, and now you can bring in the added ‘fun’ of modern-day Megaman to the mix, but at least this cube gives you unlimited lives and continues until you take your own in abject frustration! Fun!¹

Oh, and btw, there’s one for Mario, too, in case too much Megaman gives you a rash.

Note: don’t say you love Rubik’s, CHI, or you will confirm something I’ve long-suspected about these infernal devices!

h/t: Tomopop (thanks, I think)

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^{1 And speaking of fun: that Cube cartoon was about the worst Saturday AM program, pretty much ever–I blame it, directly, for Ruby-Spears eventual demise a decade-plus later.}

On the EDGE of the Web

Tempest in a catbox

I give Edge quite a bit of hell around here for being a bunch of schizos in their review mannerisms as well as the laughably-poor ‘journalism’ that under-girds their rep (why??), but I do quite enjoy their little retrospectives on classic games, part because they’re well-written and part because it gets my unrepentant geek all worked up:

It’s hard to imagine the game getting anything but praise from both publisher and public alike, but Tempest 2000 wasn’t always considered the jewel in the Jaguar’s crown. “I was gobsmacked at its popularity because I’d had a knock-back at the Jaguar launch in New York,” remembers Minter. “During a drunken talk with one of the Jaguar designers he’d been quite scathing about the then-unfinished T2K, saying that it didn’t make good use of the hardware. He said Atari considered it to be nothing but a ‘makeweight’ title at best compared to the likes of Trevor McFur In The Crescent Galaxy. Of course, a lot more of the game was completed after that, but nonetheless I really thought my game would pretty much be the worst of the [launch titles] and worried whether it would even be considered good enough for release. When people came back from CES just after I arrived and started telling me it had got an award as one of the best games at the show I was rather relieved.”

I met Minter at one of the E3s (whichever one most directly preceded the launch of the ill-fated Nuon) and he was a very agreeable guy, if horrifically shy, especially after an over-exuberant game mag guy (no game journo me) gave him an epic tongue bath over this very game while playing an early build of Tempest 3K. (Which, sadly, did not soar to the heights of its feline predecessor but was, still, quite entertaining.)

Also, CHI asked me the other day what games I would give a 10 to, and I think it’s safe to say that, with the power of hindsight in full effect, Tempest 2K is deserving of such an accolade¹, even if *none* of my friends ever ‘got’ it way back in the Jag’s (abbreviated) day and it’s still every bit as fun now as it was then:

You can grab a Jaguar emulator here and then track down a ROM and have at it.

Also: you can still find Minter making games, mainly over here under his Llamasoft shingle.

And, finally, at the end of this piece he teases with:

“Imagine an updated Tempest on the PSP…”

I can, but I’d much rather see it on a console, given the option.

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^{1 Which will, no doubt, elicit gasps of horror from the collected, torch-wielding, throng, but so be it, heretics!}

Pixel-Gazing

I think this is interesting (at least what some of the interviewees say) but it does set off my art doofus, navel-gazing, alarms at full blast:

Worth a view, however, if you have any interest in pixel art and/or chiptunes.

A Genesis, SNES and NES Walk Into a Shoddily-Built Teleporter…

Chocolate, peanut butter and awesome, all in one delicious package

…and out comes the RetroN3 game system:

Tap into the joy of your childhood with the RetroN 3 gaming system. Capable of playing Nintendo, SEGA Genesis and Super Nintendo cartridges, the RetroN 3 is the only system you need to play thousands of classic games:

*Two original controll ports for each gaming platform.
*S-video and composite AV inputs.
*Compatible with original Nintendo, SEGA Genesis or Super Nintendo controllers.
*Includes two wireless controllers (batteries not included).
*Available in red or charcoal gray color.

I have no idea what the quality level involved here is, but the idea certainly sounds pretty awesome if you’re all up in that classic (not retro!) gaming thing. (I do like that it comes w/ wireless pads and you can use OEM gear as well, though.)

h/t: Armchair Arcade

When Mario Met Peach (Or When Kazuo Met Miwako)

I trust the language barrier isn’t too high a flagpole to leap as it’s all pretty self-explanatory (especially the part where Luigi–as always–gets no love) and it’s very charming and creative–doubly-so because the dude’s wife let him get away with it.

So congrats to Kazuo & Miwako–I look forward to the inevitable Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa (バイオミラクル　ぼくってウパ) vid when the bairns arrive in the the nest.

Old School? More Like Pre-School

This is a ‘game’ (barely) from one of those Heathkit¹ jobbies I’ve mentioned once or, well, once:

Kinda reminds me of a super-primitive Scramble (or Cosmic Avenger which, I think, was also a Scramble knock-off), a game I had actually enjoyed from the same, forgotten, era, when men were men, computers were monochrome and there was a very good reason why arcades dominated the gaming scene: they could actually scroll w/o incurring seizures and their audio output didn’t sound like cat claws (cat attached) raked across a chalk board.

And, actually, I’m pretty sure Y-Wing 2² was ripping Scramble off while also getting in a two-fer w/ Star Wars:

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1 If you’d like, you can emulate this thing if you’d like to risk infertility after bathing in its sickly-green glow…and, if you’d like, you probably should be infertile, so everybody wins.)
2 Oh, and yeah: as there’s a Y-Wing 2 there was also a Y-Wing 1.