Square-Enix Burns Down the Walled Garden

AND STAY OUT!

Figuratively, anyway, because you won’t be playing FF XIV, ever, on 360:

“The main reason why we couldn’t go with Xbox 360 was the Xbox Live system,” he explained at E3. “[Live is] different to the normal internet environment, so when we wanted to introduce this game in the same environment as Windows PC it had to be PS3, so that was our choice.

This isn’t the first time that the prison yard set-up of Live has cost owners of that platform games, mainly those in the MMO category.¹

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^{1 Aren’t you glad you’re paying for that service only to actively be denied games you might want to play?}

2D Forever: Strider By Any Other Name…

…still looks a hell of a lot like Strider:

It’s called Moon Diver and it’s due out on PSN and XBLA this year.

Abandoned Chocobo Finds Caring Home; Kindly Translator

A ROGUE IN CHOCOBO FEATHERS

Square-Enix may have kicked it to the curb, but the fan community has stepped in to rescue this particular bird from a life on the street, lost and unloved by gamers outside of Japan:

Here’s what’s being translated PROGRESS: 70% (aprox.)

• Item Names: ALL items names are now translated. One thing, I now officially hate onomatopoeia. DONE
• Item’s Short Description: These show when you highlight the item. Everything buy the Key Items done so far.
• Item’s Full Description: These appear when you analyze an item. Barely started.
• Jobs & Skills: The job skills names and descriptions. DONE
  Combat Log: Almost all done. Just missing a few entries here and there (missing 4 entries).
• Enemy Names: Just like it reads, the names of all enemies. DONE
• Enemy Skills: Now you can see what they do too! Pretty much done (see below)
• Menus & System Dialogues: Pretty much every menu label is done (such as Item,
• Ability, Key Items, etc.). Some system dialogues (or shopkeepers’ stuff) missing because I just can’t freaking find them. D=

Apparently he’s not translating the story but, really, you aren’t missing a whole lot by not understanding the window-dressing: it’s a roguelike, and all you need to know is go down, down, down until you can’t anymore, then wash, rinse, repeat, have a blast.

Oh, It’s On Like Donkey Kong, err, Darth Vader!

I want a clean fight: no punching below the belt, no Bahamut and no Force chokes

This is going to send the otaku elite into paroxysms of, well, whatever it is that passes for rage amongst the terminally passive-aggressive:

Final Fantasy XIII is not a true RPG by BioWare’s definition, according to Star Wars: The Old Republic writing director Daniel Erickson.

“You don’t make any choices, you don’t create a character, you don’t live your character,” Erickson continued. “I don’t know what those are – adventure games maybe? But they’re not RPGs.”

The BioWare man admitted that his comments would be “controversial”.

Controversial? I guess, but he also happens to be correct: Final Fantasy XIII is, in no meaningful way, an RPG in even the loosest sense, other than Square-Enix calls it one. Which is kinda like me calling SEGA a company that has no idea what it’s doing anymore…which is actually true…so, uh, never mind.

A Little Busy at the Moment…

Bruce & Jamie: Gettin’ Paid

…so I’ll grease your nightmares with this until I can spend more than 30 seconds on a post (and I’ll eat my hat if this turns out to be worthy of even 2 stars).

(For you non-dorks, Kane & Lynch is a pretty low-rent¹ video game.)

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1 Like this blog, but with more explosions and edginess^TM.

Warning! A ‘New’ PSP Game Approaches!

Yeah, it’s pretty–pretty awesome!

It seems that Darius¹ Burst is getting a North American release after all, quoth the ESRB:

This is an arcade-style space shooter in which players control a small craft that shoots projectiles and lasers at enemy ships, missiles, turrets, and robots. From a side-scrolling perspective, players navigate through outer space while shooting at the numerous enemy units. Ships, objects, and enemies explode when hit, sometimes with realistic or slow-motion effects.

This also means that I’ll have to actually finish the half-written review I started when the import came out lo those many ages ago. Dammit.

h/t: Siliconera

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1 No relation to pop-cum-country singers or the emperiors of the Achaemenid dynasty, though all three–shooter, singer and emperor–could make for one hell of a shmup if you mashed ‘em up. (And it’d still be only half as weird as Cho Aniki².)
2 And, yes, Wanderer, the review of that (on PSP) is also still half-finished. Dammit.