Behold! The Future!

Where games know what you’re going to do before you do:

Pay very close attention at 9 seconds onward…

Really MS?? Really?! You had a guy act out your hot new thing w/ dummied-up video and (very poor) miming of what’s happening on-screen?! Welcome to a new low in the annals of gaming, folks–I guess we can finally stop harharing at Nintendo’s and Sony’s, respective, N64 and PS2 claims as a new whipping boy has come to town.

Also: should I hold my breath waiting for the gaming media to excoriate ¹ MS over this? Or will that just result in a blue face and a cracked skull?²

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^{1 Latin for: stripping their skin off while they yet live!
2 And when I say “excoriate”, I do not mean pointing out that this was a staged event but actually ripping into them for willfully LYING to everyone that’s seen this video, i.e. protecting their readers’ interests and serving as an object lesson as to how not to treat your potential customers in the future. (I’ve already seen gaming sites making excuses for them by saying “oh sure it was clearly staged but isn’t for ‘us’, it was for those filthy casuals so it’s OK to lie”…yeah, way to take them to task, game journos! You are a credit to your laughable moniker!)}

Old School? More Like Pre-School

This is a ‘game’ (barely) from one of those Heathkit¹ jobbies I’ve mentioned once or, well, once:

Kinda reminds me of a super-primitive Scramble (or Cosmic Avenger which, I think, was also a Scramble knock-off), a game I had actually enjoyed from the same, forgotten, era, when men were men, computers were monochrome and there was a very good reason why arcades dominated the gaming scene: they could actually scroll w/o incurring seizures and their audio output didn’t sound like cat claws (cat attached) raked across a chalk board.

And, actually, I’m pretty sure Y-Wing 2² was ripping Scramble off while also getting in a two-fer w/ Star Wars:

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1 If you’d like, you can emulate this thing if you’d like to risk infertility after bathing in its sickly-green glow…and, if you’d like, you probably should be infertile, so everybody wins.)
2 Oh, and yeah: as there’s a Y-Wing 2 there was also a Y-Wing 1.

Star Wars in Lego *Not* Lego Star Wars

I swear I’ve seen this before, even though it was posted yesterday:

Cute, though, and no sign of the prequel abominations.

This Is Worse Than Being Sober at Klingon Happy Hour

h/t: Ace of Spades

Set Phaser to Nerdgasm

Engage!:

Oh, and it gets better, Justin¹: he has a tutorial so you can DIY:

12X Phaser Build – Key Features:

* Room for a nice size heatsink.
* Safety switch with LED. (sound will operate when the laser is NOT armed, and also when the laser IS armed)
* Custom ‘cone tipped’ EzFocus adapter.
* Using the stock trigger button from the phaser!
* FlexDrive: http://hacylon.case.edu/ebay/laser_d…_FlexDrive.php

Now if we could hook this phaser up to a flux capacitor, we could recreate the destruction of Alderaan!²

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1 “Justin” is shorthand for any loser/nerd/dork/geek you know that became semi-tumescent upon viewing the video. What? My name isn’t “Justin”! That? It’s just the crease in my jeans!
2 The author of this post is now completely tumescent.

If This Was the Best The Empire Could Do, No Wonder They Lost

Irrefutable proof that not everything was better in ‘the good ol’ days’ (in this case, movie trailers):

Ouch.