Home > Fatness & Nutrition, The Fast > This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home…

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home…

Pig Pinata!
It’s pertinent, trust me.

…and this little piggy lost 5.5 lbs. since his last meal, approximately 1 week ago. I’m sorta-kinda happy w/ that, but I had expected more since that’s really not much different than the sort of weight I’ve lost in the past on various ketogenic diets1.

Greedy? Maybe, but some people go on like you’ll lose the equivalent of OG Kelly Osborne plus post-Cheers Kirstie Alley2 in a first-week weight-loss-reckoning that would do much to undermine the laws of physical reality to such an extent that rampant masturbation would actually create–rather than destroy–kittens. (Yes, we’re talking that much weight loss.) So bearing that in mind, I guess I’ll have to be content w/ my lot and hope for greater fat incineration (and more kittens!) in the coming week.

The great news, though, is that I’m not really tired much anymore, my back stopped hurting (something I chalked up to way too much shoveling but, as it turns out, is actually a potential side-effect from fasting) and my appetite is virtually nil, so either I’m getting used to this or I’m…dead.

Oh sure, there’s still a hunger gnome bludgeoning my amygdala like it’s International Pinata Day but his powers of influence are fading like a flower, fading like a rose, beaten by the storm3, etc.

So, for my next trick, it’s onto the (alleged) novel…

1 Primarily variations on Body Opus, if you must know.
2 Still not quite Oprah levels, but even God would have trouble w/ that feat.
3 I am the storm! *KRACKA-THOOM!*

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