Home > Fatness & Nutrition, The Fast > I dropped a few nickels but I don’t drop dimes

I dropped a few nickels but I don’t drop dimes

Stunt Feet
Not to Scale

Awwww yeah.1

So I’m 2 weeks and ten pounds down, total, which, to be honest, isn’t terribly impressive because:

1. All the literature says I should be dropping weight like 50 Cent droppin’ fat phat rhymes.

2. I’ve lost more weight on a variety of other types of diets like Kanye West has lost his mind. (No, nothing funny: the guy is schmuck, period.)

3. Well, it’s only ten pounds!

This leads me to a few, potential, conclusions:

1. Either my metabolism is much, much slower than it once was. (Unlikely, or I’d need to lose Biggie Smalls, pre-revolutionary weight loss scheme, amounts of weight.)

2. My body, having long since adapted to the low calorie lifestyle (I spent over four years on, essentially, BodyOpus) isn’t going to more easily let go of what I’ve got w/o some metabolic chicanery of the type that makes foolish people say ‘you’re going to kill yourself w/ this stuff’. (Which, if it were actually true, makes me, in a parallel universe where it is possible, wish Kanye would avail himself of this and then die…quickly, with the hope that, via quantum tunneling, our Kanye meets a similar fate.)

3. I have no idea what I’m talking about (like Kanye) and it’s something else entirely.

Anyway, other than the slower-than-expected sub-cutaneous triglyceride expulsion, I feel good, most of the time, albeit with the occasional bout of vertigo (mainly, head rushes seem to be more frequent) and, man, do I drink a lot of water.2

(“How much water?”, you ask? Enough to float Kanye’s bloated, corpulent, swelled, too-heavy-for-a-roid-raging-50-Cent-to-lift, ego, down the River Styx.3)



1 M.C. ECM: Whiter than Bleach and Twice as Abrasive, Daug!
2 There are other side-effects, but nothing someone who has done Atkins isn’t intimately familiar, e.g. cold hands/feet, bad breath, irritability, a desperate need for a Big Mac, etc.
3 So, in other words, a lot.

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