Home > Fatness & Nutrition, The Fast > Anemia won’t be a problem

Anemia won’t be a problem

Lindsay Lunatic Lohan
Crazy like a fox crazy person

While zipping along this food-free escapade, I’ve had numerous conversations with individuals that think I’m “nuts” or “bananas” or “Big Mac” “crazy” for engaging in behavior so dangerous that only the likes of Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee or Hong Kong Phooey have a chance of coming out the other end alive. That or they think I’ll end up like Lindsay Lohan. (Someone with an eating disorder, not someone completely insane)

What’s doubly-irritating, is that after quietly, calmly and coolly explaining (in broad strokes) the biochemistry behind a fast, they still resort to “you’ll shoot your eye out!” or “the sky is falling!” or “you’re a f***ing idiot” but sometimes–oh, sometimes–the irony on offer is exquisite:

Me: Yeah, I’m on day 5 of this thing and I feel pretty good.

Friend 1: The fast? Are you out of your mind? You’ll be lucky if you aren’t in the hospital by the end of the week. (While wolfing down bacon and eggs with a side of bacon for the 9,762nd time in their life, thus erecting the Great Wall of China, at 1:1 scale, in their pulmonary artery.)

Or:

Me: Yeah, I’m on day 11 of this thing and I feel pretty good.

Friend 2: Can’t you do anything normal?? Why do you always have to be different from everyone else? (While on the Scarsdale Diet, which consists entirely of eating grapefruit…every day…for weeks.)

And:

Me: Yeah, I’m on day 15 and I feel pretty good.

Friend 3: Are you insane? You should eat something or you’re going to end up like Lindsay Lohan. With an eating disorder, I mean. (While ordering a Big Mac extra value meal, super-sized, w/ a chocolate shake and an apple pie “for dessert”…at 11AM…for the third time this week. (Oh, and on some of those days a Diet Coke in place of the shake, to “watch the waistline”…which is already Equatorial in circumference.).)

Meanwhile, I’m on day 18 and I feel pretty good.

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