Home > Fatness & Nutrition, The Fast > Lemonade…why did it have to be lemonade…

Lemonade…why did it have to be lemonade…

NOOOOOOOOO
The Devil’s Brew

*ENTERS DIMLY LIT CONFESSIONAL WITH SOME TREPIDATION*

ECM: *clears throat, nervously* Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it has been, well, let’s just say I was still a virg–, I mean, uh, that the last time I was here Reagan was still in office so, uh, it’s been a while and I’ve kind racked up quite a, err, record since then. But I have been doing this water fast—nothing but water—for 25 days so far with only 15 to go and I think that’s helped, so…

Father: Well you are here, my son, and that’s what counts. Make a good confession and we’ll go from there. And the fast is a good thing! It is spiritually cleansing!

ECM: OK, thanks Father. Anyway, where do I begin…um…well…

*17 HOURS LATER*

ECM: And then, today, I sorta uh, well it really wasn’t my fault!

Father: Now, now, it certainly can’t be as bad as that part with the donkey and the Bill Clinton mask…or what about the bit with the small Mexican man? I really never imagined you could fit one—even a small one—in there…and the part about pinning the double-murder orgy on the little deaf boy… surely it can’t be that bad??

ECM: OK, well, I was putting up sheet rock with my Dad and stepbrother and—man, it was just totally innocent! I just wasn’t thinking!

Father: It’s OK, relax, just get it out there and we’ll deal with it together…

ECM: OK, I’m OK…*deep breath*…my stepbrother…he handed me this glass of water…and I thought—I was sure, I think, I mean I thought…

Father: My son! How bad could it be? You’re getting worked up over a glass of water!

ECM: But that’s just it, father…it…it

Father: Go on…

ECM: It wasn’t water! It was Country Time lemonade! The powder kind you mix up in water!! I didn’t know! I had one sip—I thought it was just a glass of water—and when the sheer awesomeoness of it hit my tongue like the touch of a Mexi–I mean a woman! I knew! I knewwwwwwwwww!!

Father: Surely it was merely sugar-free, you are on a water fast and have been so conscientious–

ECM: It was regular! Regulaaaaaaaaarrrr!

Father
: Blasphemer! I cast thee out!

ECM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Just one…delicious…sip and all is lost..All is looooooooooost! AIEEEEEEE!!!

*FADE TO BLACK*

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  1. 03/21/2010 at 03:40

    You realize that you have to start your fast over again, right?

    • ECM
      03/21/2010 at 09:09

      You do realize that your home city isn’t that big and I could, if so inclined, find you and put an end to you and your hoodie…especially the hoodie…

  2. 03/21/2010 at 14:03

    I could our run you. I had a big bowl of Canadian Vector, which is chalk full of nutrients. Well, more than Country Time Lemonade anyways 😀

    • ECM
      03/21/2010 at 16:46

      Those nutrients aren’t getting to your brain, Mr. “Chalk“–you better loosen the hoodie so some oxygen can get through your peephole.

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