Home > Video Games, Way Off Topic > It Begins! (Your April Fools’ Clearing House)

It Begins! (Your April Fools’ Clearing House)

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fools!

Bookmark this: I’ll be updating throughout the day so you don’t have to look foolish later on (I’ll also rate them on level of plausibility, i.e. how well-written/believable they are):


2K Games: Civilization V’s “Extreme Diplomacy” mode revealed
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Hurricane Kicks

“Should normal diplomacy or military might fail to resolve conflicts between empires,” writes 2K, “Extreme Diplomacy would allow two world leaders to enter a death match and fight to the finish, using special attacks and finishing moves. Two world leaders enter; one world leader leaves. The victor will obtain complete control of the challenger’s world empire.”

Aeon Genesis: Tactics Ogre Translation
Plausibility Rating: 4 out of 5 (Total) Frustrated Fans

Major Release ~ Tactics Ogre, available now!
Tactics Ogre ~ Let Us Cling Together

Frankly, I´m sick to death of looking at this thing. There are still a few minor cosmetic issues, all detailed in the readme, but they shouldn´t really alter your enjoyment of the game on the whole.

Arcade Heroes: Konami prepping a Pop N’ Music 19 with a 3D display
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Glow Sticks

it combines EVERYTHING you love about pop’n music, beatmania IIDX and GuitarFreaks/DrumMania XG! Not only have four extra buttons been added for 13-button gameplay, but the side of the cabinet features a scratching record, the bottom of the cabinet features a foot pedal and you can tilt the console for wailing bonuses! Even shades of jubeat get into the action as the game sports a touch panel, along with state-of-art 3-D displays! The USB capabilities will allow for edits and, I may be reading this incorrectly, but if you beat the machine in rock-paper-scissors, a medal is dispensed!

Bioware: Star Wars TOR Sarlacc Enforcer Announced
Plausibility Rating: 1000 out of 5000 Years Spent Digesting in Agony

Think you’ve seen all the playable classes in Star Wars™: The Old Republic™? Think again! We’ve saved the best for last! Now you can realize your fantasy of playing as a Sarlacc Enforcer in Star Wars: The Old Republic!

For thousands of years, the brave souls who answer to the name Sarlacc have been the ultimate authority on final judgment in the galaxy. A perfect combination of ruthless efficiency and calculated precision, the Sarlacc Enforcers make sure the galaxy’s trash doesn’t have a chance to pile up.

Blizzard: Pretty much everything
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Angry People That Run this Site (re: Blackthorne 2)

Always one to get in the spirit of April Fools’ Day 2010, esteemed developer Blizzard Entertainment (Diablo, StarCraft, World of Warcraft) has rolled out this year’s gags.

Bungie: Halo Zugwang Evolved
Plausibility Rating: 4 out of 5 Spent Rounds

Halo, as you’ve never played it before.

Capcom (related–not by them): Ace Attorney Collection
Plausibility Rating: 5 out of 5 Objections!

Primeiro trailer de Ace Attorney Saga, game para Wii que compila os quatro primeiros jogos da série com conteúdo extra e gráficos e som refeitos.

Cubed3: FFVII on DS
Plausibility Rating: 4 out of 5 Metrosexuals

Following years of speculation about a remake, Square Enix has now finally confirmed a DS port of the much-loved seventh iteration of the multi-million selling Final Fantasy role-playing series. After recent comments from Motomu Toriyama, Director of Final Fantasy XIII, about how the entry he would most like to see remade is Final Fantasy VII, the game fans have been eagerly awaiting has at last been confirmed, with early images released by popular Japanese website, Famitsu. However, whilst many believed a PS3 version was inevitable, the reality is that the DS has the largest userbase in the world right now, and development costs to transfer the upgraded PSone code across to the Nintendo DS is far lower than on a High Definition console.

Duck and Cover: Obsidian Buys Fallout IP
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Ball Gags

March 31, 2010 (Irvine, CA) — Obsidian Entertainment® announced today that it has acquired exclusive ownership of the Fallout®series — beginning with the release of the highly anticipated Fallout: New Vegas® role-playing game. Obsidian purchased the rights to the Fallout® franchise from Bethesda Softworks in a deal that awards Obsidian exclusive worldwide rights to the Fallout® franchise on the PC, home consoles, handhelds, and other media.

“We’re extremely excited about this development and what it means both for Obsidian and for Fallout fans around the world,” said Feargus Urquhart, CEO of Obsidian Entertainment. “Fallout is one the great RPG franchises. Millions of Fallout games have been sold worldwide, and fans have been eagerly awaiting the release of Fallout: New Vegas. Obsidian’s proven expertise in this genre, building on our industry experience and the tremendous success we have enjoyed with our previous games and experience with the series, will enable us to create the next chapter of Fallout that is truly worthy of the franchise.”

Edge Online: Motor Toon Gran Prix…Kart
Plausibility Rating: 3 out of 5 Really Angry Hardcore Gamers

Kazunori Yamauchi has exclusively revealed to us that, after development on Gran Turismo 5 is finally complete, Polyphony Digital will be creating a karting game.

“Gran Turismo 5 has been in production for a long time,” said Yamauchi, “and I feel that it will offer the ultimate car experience. After this I want to return to my first game, Motor Toon Grand Prix, with what we have learned from Gran Turismo.”

To counter the suggestion that the move will, at the very least, surprise fans of a developer known for an uncompromising approach to simulation, Yamauchi offered cryptically: “Who could look at fender renders for over a decade, and not yearn to be the man they once were?”

FilePlanet: Duke Nukem Forever Demo
Plausibility Rating: -3 out of 5 Vaporous Emanations

Duke Nukem Forever brings back the king of action in a highly anticipated game set to pummel players with unprecedented interactivity, variety, realism, and Duke’s special whoop-ass brand of humor. The first in-house Duke Nukem game by 3D Realms since Duke Nukem 3D, Duke Nukem Forever promises to deliver an intense and hysterical FPS experience, with stunningly detailed characters in expansive interactive maps. Motion captured animation and realistic area-sensitive damage take realism to scary new heights, and make picking off those alien bastards all the more fun.

GameJolt: Cereal Gamers
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Sugar Smacks (across the face)

Cocoa Puffs, Kix, Captain Crunch, Lucky Charms–the gang’s all here, except Vector, the weird Canadian energy cereal.

Game Videos: Pokemon Kart Wii
Plausibility Rating: 4 out of 5 Electric Rats

Pika-pika-pika fooled you!

GameZebo: New casual games portal Big White Bunny Games to offer nothing but hidden object titles
Plausibility Rating: Uh, what is a hidden object game?!

Gamezebo is excited to announce the April 1 launch of Big White Bunny Games, a brand new casual games portal that will sell nothing but hidden object games. Under the catchy slogan “A New Game Every Hour!” the portal promises to do just that by releasing 24 hidden object games each day, seven days a week.

A Big White Bunny spokesperson told Gamezebo that the company hopes this ambitious launch schedule of 168 new games per week will be robust enough to keep up with casual gamers’ voracious demand for hidden object games, or “HOGs” as they are colloquially known.

Irem: Semifinalist Fantasia
Plausibility Rating: 2 out of 5 Home Apartments

Irem, makers of R-Type and known for elaborate April Fool’s Day pranks, just announced Semifinalist Fantasia is “on hold”. The never-been-announced-before MMMMUSO fantasy RPG where everyone has Pinocchio’s nose is being auctioned off. Disappointed fans can experience a one day beta on PlayStation Home today.

Konami (and Ubi): Assassin’s Stealth
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Vicious Backstabs

“You can fit up to two people in an assassin’s straw box”

NintendoLife: Virtual Console on DSi
Plausibility Rating: 3 out of 5 DS Points

It’s been a long time coming folks: ever since the DSi launched in April last year Nintendo fans worldwide have been clamouring for the ability to download past handheld titles in a similar fashion to the Wii’s Virtual Console feature. Time and again Nintendo denied the existence of the service, but we can exclusively reveal Virtual Handheld will be available in the coming weeks.

PlaySwitch: Nintendo Does iPad Games
Plausibility Rating: 1,000,000 out of 5,000,000 never in a, err, million years

Nintendo and Apple have long shared many similarities over the years, and this has often led to some wondering (jokingly) if the two companies had been separated at birth. With their similar corporate structure, like-minded approach to electronic aesthetic and even gray-shaded company logos, many have questioned if the two would ever compete directly in the same space – or be willing to share it. After decades of innovation and friendly nudging, it seems that day is fast approaching, as Nintendo today announces their plan to bring Super Mario and more to Apple’s upcoming iPad tablet computer – and it’s coming this summer.

PopCap Games: PopCap Announces Celebrity Bejeweled
Plausibility Rating: 3 out of 5 Snaps w/ a Zorro Flourish

SEATTLE, Washington and DUBLIN, Ireland – April 1, 2010 – PopCap Games, maker of some of the world’s most popular video games, today announced a new celebrity edition of its flagship franchise Bejeweled®. Available only in a limited edition retail box crafted from cubic zirconia and sold only at PopCap.com, Celebrity Bejeweled replaces the traditional gem pieces with holographic likenesses of gem-named superstars from popular film, television, music and sports. Further, the special collector’s edition package includes actual genetic samples of featured celebrities, for use in home chemistry experiments, various forms of extortion and/or sale on eBay. Celebrity Bejeweled carries a suggested retail price of US$2000. (Due to live DNA samples, this product requires hand-delivery to addresses in Kentucky, Michigan and the less lenient counties of Arkansas. Further, some copies may contain trace amounts of Alec Baldwin spliced with Lady Gaga.)

Project AM2R (Metroid 2 Remake): New Design
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Super Missiles

These months I rediscovered my old Commodore 64. After some hours trying to load a single game from an old tape, I realized… Nostalgia is powerful. I didn´t care too much about the game itself, but the experiences around it are more prevalent over time.

I then decided to implement some nostalgia factor in AM2R, to make it a better experience.

Now, AM2R features multiple bit ages in one game, sprites of different years and consoles will make you remember the good times of each age.
The ugly, and obtrusive GUI was replaced with a classic 8bit interface. It makes the screen much smaller, but it doesn´t get in the way!

Remedy: Alan Wake Wars
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 People Really Tired of Waiting for the Actual Game

The developers behind Alan Wake and Max Payne are proud to reveal their upcoming game Alan Wake Wars!

Sega: Virtua Fighter vs. Street Fighter
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 but we really, really want to believe!

Shoryuken into SPoD, ha!

Sunsoft : Blaster Master NES Sequel Coming to Virtual Console
Plausibility Rating: 5 out of 5 Terrible Marketing Moves

Redding, CA – April 1, 2010 – Sunsoft, a division of SUNCORPORATION (JASDAQ: 6736), has today announced that Blaster Master™:Destination Fred will be released for the Wii Virtual Console on April 26th.

Originally created for the Nintendo PlayChoice-10 arcade system, and tested in only a few locations in and around Los Angeles, CA during 1989/1990, Destination Fred is a continuation of the story started in the original Blaster Master™, and a proper sequel to the beloved NES classic. The game has been lost to the market since the original test market timeframe, and was never released for the home NES. “I was blown away when I saw these”, said Victor Ireland about the PlayChoice-10 cartridges stored away at Sunsoft Japan’s office. He then continued, “When I was going through boxes of stored code, promotional items, and ROMS to see what we had on hand to release for the US Virtual Console market, finding these nine completely unknown cartridges literally stunned me. I knew it had to be put up on the Virtual Console as fast as we could make it happen.”

Team 17: Crawl of Duty
Plausibility Rating: 1 out of 5 Heavily-Armed Annelids

Something we’ve been cooking up… Worms “Crawl Of Duty”

ThinkGeek: Apple iCade for iPad
Plausibility Rating: 2 out of 5 Snow Jobs

Enter the iCade iPad Arcade Cabinet! To use the iCade, gently slide the iPad into the docking cradle. The docking cradle uses a standard 30 pin connector to link the iPad to the professional-grade arcade controls. Once the iPad is in place, launch the iCade App (available free in the App Store April 3rd) and it’s game on! We didn’t want to take any chances you’d run out of juice during your favorite game, so we included a 10w USB power adapter so you can charge the iPad through any electrical outlet. Now you’re all set to make an uninterrupted run on the Dig Dug World Record!

UbiSoft: Splinter Cell: Rabbids Invasion
Plausibility Rating: 0 out of 5 Raving Rabbity Things

特殊工作員サム・フィッシャーとなり、敵地に潜入してさまざまなミッションをクリアしていく『スプリンターセル』シリーズ。その最新作『ラビッツ コンヴィクション』では、謎の侵略者「ラビッツ」の大群から地球の平和を守るため、我らがステルスヒーロー、サム・フィッシャーがひとり孤独に戦いを挑みます。これまでのゲームスタイルを一新しようとした結果、世界観やストーリーまで勢いあまって一新された本作では、今までのステルスの斜め上を行く、まさに異次元のアクションステルスが楽しめます。

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