James Cameron: Huge Fan of Michael Bay’s Armageddon
Out of his depth at any depth.
That is the only conclusion I can draw1 when BP declined the aid of ace director and holder of multiple doctoral degrees in geology, geophysics, physics and masturbatory ego-stroking2:
“Over the last few weeks I’ve watched, as we all have, with growing horror and heartache, watching what’s happening in the Gulf and thinking those morons don’t know what they’re doing,” Cameron said at the All Things Digital technology conference.
Cameron suggested the U.S. government needed to take a more active role in monitoring the undersea gusher, which has become the worst oil spill in U.S. history.
“I know really, really, really smart people that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at,” Cameron said.
While acknowledging that his contacts in the deep-sea industry do not drill for oil, Cameron said that they are accustomed to operating various underwater vehicles and electronic optical fiber systems.
Got that? Because he knows a bunch of guys that know how to shoot film footage at extreme depths, they’re also qualified to cap a gushing scar in the Earth’s crust with, presumably, fiber optic cable.
Now, never mind that it’s safe to assume the most brilliant geophysicists on Earth have been called in to work on this problem with little to show for it, but James’ crack team of filmmakers would have solved this problem by lunch. (And he calls BP morons–apparently they don’t teach dramatic irony at film school anymore.)
1 For those unfamiliar, Armageddon is the gripping tale of an oil rig drilling team launched into space to stop a rogue meteor from destroying the Earth with a tactical nuclear weapon3–basically the ultimate fish out of water story…ironically.
2 Only one of these is true, and it has nothing to do with rocks and only a little something to do with viscous fluids.
3 What? I said it was a Michael Bay film.