Home > Video Games > Cliffy B: Insecure Man-Child*

Cliffy B: Insecure Man-Child*

HOW DO I SPELL CLIFFY B? D-O-U-C-H-E

What else would you expect from the designer of Gears of War?

But I think Nintendo’s back. Nintendo strayed. Nintendo had an affair with everybody’s mom, and now they’ve come back to the marriage of the Mario and the Kirby and the GoldenEye fans. For me that’s good to see, because I dusted off my Wii for Mario Galaxy 2 and I’m hoping to keep the dust off of it.

Hey Cliffy (can we still call you Cliffy…Cliffy?): they never went anywhere. Some of us actually (gasp!) managed to quite enjoy what’s been on offer for the last several years and, gasp!, all without ¬†touching your asinine ‘masterpiece’. (BTW, Koei called: they went their idea for Winback back, you hack.)

Oh yeah: and damn them for making gaming accessible and fun to people that aren’t teenage males and…20-something males…and 30-something males…and…Now it’s not just middle-aged frat boys like you, desperately clinging to their youth (and hair1) via a medium that used-to-be for everyone before your ilk got hold of it and nearly sucked all the joy and life out of it in the name of ‘maturity’. (People that haven’t played games in decades are coming back in droves thanks to Nintendo’s ‘affair’ and all you can do is make snide remarks which, any way you spin it, are aimed directly at your Mom/sister/girlfriend (haha, right!) who had the temerity to enjoy those games you sh*t all over, assh*le.)2

And BTW: the myth that Nintendo has been starving the core of good games is just that: a myth, one perpetuated by tools like CliffyB who absolutely know better, but since he lives and dies by the praise heaped upon him by the laughable gaming media3, he caters to their prejudices to score some cheap points. (Riddle me this Cliffy: when was the last time two (never mind three!), major, Mario games came out on a Nintendo console in one generation? The SNES??4 But, hey, don’t let reality get in the way of your annual ego stroke.)



*With all due respect to insecure man-children.
1 With all due respect to the Sib and other, folically-challenged, 30-somethings.
2 And before anyone goes there: there was nothing ‘funny’ or ‘good-natured’ about his asinine comments: this dude is the epitome-on-stilts of everything that went horribly wrong w/ gaming over the past decade, and the last thing we need is to go back to the Dark Ages epitomized in the backhanded compliment contained above, i.e. “Nintendo is awesome…when they aren’t (OMG HORRORS!) making games your Mom/sister/gf can also enjoy.”
3 Who else is going to heap praise on a balding, middle-aged, man-child that makes games for teenagers, developmentally-stunted 20-somethings5 and game journalists (but i repeat myself)?
4 And don’t let Cliffy fool you: the things that are now being said about the Wii are only of a slightly different flavor than what the same Brainiacs were saying about the N64 and GameCube, only instead of having an affair w/ your Mom (pure class, Cliffy!), Nintendo was ‘playing patty-cake with your toddler.’
5 With all due respect to developmentally-stunted 20-somethings…maybe.

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  1. 06/17/2010 at 21:09

    Well done.

    If the Nintendo Wii had killed gaming for the “core” audience, then what explains the TWO systems that exclusively catered to the every whim of frat boys? It’s pathetic. These steaming piles of self-entitlement feel that if they don’t have everything, they have nothing. Maybe it’s time to stop being so damned greedy and share with the rest of the class, eh?

  2. ECM
    06/17/2010 at 21:16

    Cliffy is just ‘keepin’ it real’–real f*cking stupid like the rest of his cohort.

  3. 06/18/2010 at 00:15

    Also, for added fun:

    http://www.cracked.com/article_18609_more-proof-video-game-industry-out-ideas-e3-2010.html

    Good luck figuring out which game is which in the first image!

    • ECM
      06/18/2010 at 00:23

      Nice, thanks for linking that.

      (And, yes, I’m the ‘real’ ECM ;))

  4. GunstarTotoro
    06/18/2010 at 11:37

    Such terrible trigger discipline! To be expected from a terrible person I guess… >_<

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